Depression

You will probably hear me talk about depression and the issues that come with it a lot. Well that is because I have been living with it for about 10 years now. Mine didn't come on because of some crazy event. Mine is because of a chemical imbalance in my mind/body. It started to manifest in my last couple years of high school but I was able to manage it pretty well with keeping myself busy at school and with my competitive swimming. The exercise that I got didn't hurt either. Then I started college and I wasn't as active as I had been before. I was being a typical college kid and testing my new found freedom. Towards the end of my first semester I was becoming very depressed to the point where I thought that the world and everyone in my life would be better off without me. Thankfully my roommates realized I was not the girl they had met a few months before and asked our RA to step in and help. Was I receptive to the help at the time heck no! I did not want anyone around and felt like they were all just trying to control me and make me out to be this crazy person. Looking back I was a crazy person and am glad that after a while and with a bit of time to think about it and some really really great friends I was able to accept that I needed help. I needed help bad! After trying multiple times and with multiple therapists I found that talking out my issues and rehashing all my problems every week was not doing the trick. I bet you are thinking well you are doing it now silly goose. Yes I know but I have also done a lot of growing and a lot of healing in the past few years and know that I need to be more open. Because by being more open I am able to help others and help myself figure things out. Okay back to the story ... I finally found a doctor who was willing to help me explore other possible treatments. He decided that it might be good while we were working on trying to find the root of my issues that I go on an antidepressant. That move alone saved my life. Within about 2-3 weeks I was starting to feel better about myself and think more clearly about things that were bugging me leaving them as mole hills instead of turning them into mountains. He soon told me that with the progress that I was making that I should stay on the medication and come back in six months. I did and although I have changed medications a few times to fine tune my needs and find a match for my personal type of depression I have not looked back. I am also so glad that I had people around me that cared enough about me to help me when they saw that something was very very wrong.

Alright y'all it is getting late but I am so glad that I have finally started this journey with all of you!

My Current Fights

Okay lets dig right in and get down to one of the reasons I am here! MY FIGHTS.... To start I want to say that I know there are people out there who have challenges and problems far bigger than mine. But I also know that there are people out there who think no one knows what they are going through and thinks that they cant or shouldn't talk about how they feel or what is going on because "it could be so much worse". One thing I have learned though is that no matte how big the problem is in someone's perspective it might be huge to you and that it shouldn't just be push to the wayside. So here we go and its gonna get personal...

Fights:

- Unemploment
- Illness (unknown GI problem that we are waiting for results on)
- Communication Issues in my family/marriage
- Intense feelings of being inadequate
- Health issues with both E and M
- Moving
- Feelings of not fitting in or being able to find friends
- Feeling like my life is a HOT MESS!

Battles:
- Depression
- Infertility
- Anxiety

Now I know some of you might be thinking well heck that doesn't sound that bad or oh she doesn't even know the half of what I am going through. To be honest that is okay because maybe one day you will find yourself with a Fight or a Battle that you think you just cant win and you will remember that there is someone out there that feels the same way even if the situation isn't the same.

Meeting Me

Hello,

I am writing this blog as a journal mostly. But I hope that through sharing some of my Fights and life long Battles that someone somewhere will know that they are not alone. That someone else knows how they feel and that they have people to turn to if they need to.

So to start lets get to know me a bit more shall we. I am Jenna the wife of Drew and the mother to E(2.5) & M(4m). I love my babies to death they are my whole world! Drew and I just moved back to our home state of Utah and are loving being close to our wonderful families and friends. I am an Athletic Trainer by trade although I am taking some time to be a mommy. Drew has his MBA and MSA(Masters of Sports Admin) and is currently looking for a job. *I will explain later*

 
E is my beautiful and extremely smart daughter. She loves animals and being outside but hates BUGS! She is currently learning about two words a day and then using them till they are worn out. She loves being a big sister and helping me with all the baby needs and house hold chores even though she usually ends up making more of a mess than she cleans up. She is also a wonderful cook. Her play food and air drinks are to die for. She is also the best doctor around she always knows how to kiss any booboo better and wrap you up to your eyeballs in ace wraps.

M. Well he is my little warrior! Life hasn't been easy for this kid. (more explanation to come) But he is such a happy little man. He loves his sister but is weary when ever she gets to close to him. He loves his shakie and his monkey toy. He is currently figuring out how to hold up his big bowling ball of a head as well as supporting his weight on his little legs and core. He also loves loves loves his mommy, grandma(my mom) and mama(Drew's mom).

Well that is me and my sweet family in a nut shell for ya! Now on to the other stuff :)